Prefer to listen as you transform?
Click play below for a reading of today's intentional session from co-founder Matt.
Today, let's be wholehearted in our service by upholding loving boundaries that allow for authentic transformation.
Read today's affirmation out loud with purpose and intent:
“As I identify and alter my conditioning, I embrace wholehearted giving and lovingly set personal boundaries.”
Setting boundaries is essential if we want to be physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally healthy.
It is also a kindness to others (though it may not seem that way). Boundaries lay a strong foundation for our authentic and desired participation in this life journey and also gives necessary information to those journeying with us. Personal boundaries help define where you end and others begin on all levels. They help you decide what types of communication, behavior, and interaction are acceptable to you and are true to your values.
Setting these boundaries can also be one of the most challenging tasks we undertake.
Many of us have had counter conditioning. This counter-conditioning indicates that “keeping the peace”, “protecting ourselves from trauma by agreeing”, “staying invisible so we remain undetected”. There are thousands of possible scenarios. Each one is designed to protect us in some way but keep us locked in a prison (sometimes for years). Setting boundaries lovingly is the path to freedom.
An intimate relationship is one in which neither party silences, sacrifices, or betrays the self and each party expresses strength and vulnerability, weakness and competence in a balanced way.
~Harriet Lerner
Autumn is a time when we gather the earth's riches.
A time when we may come to realize that what matters in life is not productivity and having things but human connection and being of service. While the “service” of our conditioning can often set up frustration or resentment, we have been intentional about being of service to ourselves. Not a selfish pursuit, as our Ego or critics may attempt to indicate, but a necessity to living our highest truth.
Being of service to ourselves has allowed us to transform and become more authentic about how and when we give to others. We recognize the need for personal boundaries and become clear about giving wholeheartedly.
It is Autumn; we are experiencing transformation and it is both exciting and bittersweet as change often is. To ease into this transformation we can begin by laying a good foundation of boundaries.
Let's look at where we are on the boundary scale.
1) Do you feel like you have set honest and clear boundaries with others?
It is easy to perceive that “some people are just difficult to connect to, or just don't get you, or are purposefully insensitive” and that may be true on a singular level. We aren't necessarily meant to “bond” with every person we meet and some people are difficult to connect to for a variety of reasons. If you are noticing that several people fall into that category, that may be a pattern of conditioned behavior that YOU need to address. It is possible that you have not set clear and honest boundaries.
2) When asked to do something do you check in with yourself with the intention of giving an authentic yes or no response? How comfortable are you when you say NO?
3) Are you comfortable expressing your feelings?
4) Do you often feel you are being taken advantage of?
5) Are you concerned about how others perceive you? To what degree? Are you willing to adopt a “more pleasing” persona to “get along” with someone else?
6) How are your communication skills? How are your listening skills?
7) Are you willing to own your conditioned patterns and behaviors when it regards a relationship with a more “challenging” individual?
There are many great programs available for creating healthy boundaries.
The questions above are just designed to start the ball rolling. The first step is looking deeply into the relationships that are the most important to us and clearly identifying what boundaries need to be set. They will probably be different for each individual and they may change as we evolve. The main idea is to be able to calmly, respectfully, and clearly state what you feel and what you need from another with respect to your values and your well-being. And not to beat yourself up if you have to change or clarify or tone down your approach as you learn. We are all human. We have all been conditioned and this may be very uncomfortable.
List your top five values. List your top five “truths” about relationships.
Choose five important relationships. Make a map using each person as their own “state”.
Get creative by visually expressing the boundaries needed for these “people states” and the options available for a true and mutually satisfying connection. Get clear on the boundaries you need to set for your own well-being.
(Keep in mind that sometimes the most healthy boundary you can set might be letting go altogether)
“As I reflect on my top values and relationships,
I am grateful for _____________________ “
Following the transformational tenets of Autumn brings us freedom and allows us to expand our vision of a whole, creative life.
Sometimes the lessons are more challenging…like setting boundaries. The more compassion we have with ourselves, the easier this transformation becomes (and the more compassionate we can be with others).
How can you express your own values and needs more clearly? What boundaries speak to your soul?
Please share your observations and creative musings about boundaries in the comments below or the Art Room Activity Feed.
Inspired by today's intentional session?
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